i want to go home

have you ever been in a bad dream, one that it feels like you cant wake up from, things keep getting worse and worse then suddenly, like the removing of a bandaid you are awake, it hurt but for a second and minutes later the pain, the fear for the most part have disperssed and you go about your day. now what if waking up, brought no relife?

have you ever been somewere that was either so bad or for whatever reason you wanting nothing greater in the world then the chance to go home, were it would be safe, warm, normal, inviting. what if that place you were at, that you so despertly wanted to leave, was your home. and that you have woken up only to relize the dream world was nothing compared to the real. that everything is as bad as it seems, were everything and everyone you trusted now, you qustion there loylties, and were there true allignces lie, or a person you once trusted now you doubt and second guess everything they tell you. a world were it seems as unrealistic as it feels, that god has left you, he has abondon you to your own ways, your own corruption the very life you have been leading comes crashing down upon you like a house built on sand when the bad weather comes, and with its crashing you hope, expect, to see your freinds and loved ones come rushing to you to give you aid and comfort. but all you recive is platiudes and "get over it". and the very prayer that used to sustain you, and make you feel whole, leaves you thirsty, and yearning for something that is just out of reach. and no place brings you comfort, memorys rush you even at the oddest of times, when your driving, talking to someone, or even cleaning a table. a feeling that you dont have anymore hits you like a brick and your mominterly left stunned, unable to breath and you know no one else will understand and you have no one else left to talk to, no one you fully trust, becuse you have learned what happenes when you fully trust someone. when even in a room of friends you feel alone... want to be alone, even then you cant find comfort so you go to those rooms you plaster a smile, you have to be the big man, you have to be strong for them, they need you, they need a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen, someone to vent to, someone to hug, someone to help them when ever with what ever they need....


but what about when i need someone...